Andy Pham ’17/ Emertainment Monthly Staff
Last night’s episode of How I Met Your Mother had audiences laughing, tearing up, and in the final moments, with our jaws dropped to the ground.
But we’ll get to that last part later. Let’s talk about what happened in this segment of the wedding weekend.
The time: 2pm on Friday, about 52 hours before Barney and Robin’s wedding.
As Barney ( Neil Patrick Harris ) and Robin (Cobie Smulders) continue their bit over the “ring bear” vs. “ring bearer” (because, let’s face it, it’s Barney, and he would not at all be opposed to having a wild animal at his wedding), the beeps of a shuttle bus pulling up outside sounds the arrival of… gulp… the relatives! And of course, this includes bickering great-grandparents who, according to Robin, have not done the “dance-with-no-pants” since 1967. Worrying that this would be their fate, “R-Train” and “B-Nasty” are determined to have sex immediately.
Meanwhile, Daphne is still driving Marshall (Jason Segel) to Farhampton, and they are passing through Wisconsin. And what’s an Eriksen to do in Wisconsin? Crush Packers spirit with his own Vikings pride!
While Lily (Alyson Hannigan) is still sipping drinks with Linus the bartender by her side, she and Ted (Josh Radnor) have a heart to heart over his secret decision to move to Chicago after the wedding. She sees a paper in Ted’s hands, assuming it’s his wedding speech. However, it is rather a list of things Ted wants to do to before saying farewell the city. The list includes fixing street graffiti (correcting “Your a penis” to “You’re a penis”), telling his pretty upstairs neighbor how he really feels (before you jump to conclusion, here’s a hint: she’s not quiet), as well as saying goodbye to the Empire State Building (or “Empy,” as he calls it.). One comedic bit is that on the list Ted plans to confess about what happened on April 26th of this year. Apparently, after some references to The Princess Bride, he and Marshall once again had a classic sword fight, their first since season one in which Marshall stabs Lily during their engagement. The result of the sword fight? Lily’s “slutty but classy” dress for Barney and Robin’s wedding rehearsal is sliced in half, and afterwards she is told it was done by the dry cleaners.
Lily, being the justice seeking woman she is, decides to punish Ted by making him wear ridiculous “Waldo”-like beach clothes. As for Marshall? He may be in Wisconsin, but that gives her the opportunity to make him do something that would shame his Minnesota pride: show off Packers apparel.
As Robin ducks out of her and Barney’s hunt for a place to have sex, she runs into Lily and Ted, and finds the list. However, Lily claims ownership of the list, only to have her plan backfire: she too had a secret about April 26. Apparently she and Robin also had a sword fight in the apartment, resulting in knocking over a bottle of wine Ted has been savoring to share with Barney at the wedding. Their solution to the problem? Mix in some cheap booze, ketchup and hand sanitizer.
Directly following this revelation is when Barney calls up Robin: the coast is clear on the third floor! The entire episode so far, Robin and Barney have been sneaking around to have sex while trying to avoid the old folks, keeping quiet on the magic words “Mandy Patinkkin” (because clearly it’s an old-people magnet).
A comedic bit early on is when Robin has an idea to “do it” somewhere they aren’t supposed to. Oh, get your mind out of the gutter! She already shot that idea down to a much-too-excited Barney.
However, they overhear Robin’s grandparents in the middle of some “action”. Barney is left fascinated by the use of the walker, and they agree they never want to have sex again. However, they soon realize that if Robin’s great-grandparents can still have some fun, they have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Meanwhile, Lily returns to Ted with a new bottle of Glen McKenna in replacement of the one she and Robin destroyed. With this, she gives Ted some final words of advice: don’t say good-bye to the good things back in New York, including Barney, whom he has been avoiding throughout this whole episode. She encourages him that rather than having a last drink with him, it should be the first of many to celebrate his new life. In a sweet moment that had us “aww”-ing, Ted tells Lily to flip over the list. On it, “Have one last life lecture from Lily.” While we were totally about to lose it, she softens the scene by telling him that he is dreaming if he thinks that’s the last one he’ll be hearing from her.
And in the final minute of the episode, Ted, realizing it’s time for him to be there for his best friend, comes outside with the Glen McKenna ready to toast. And in the chilling final seconds, Barney turns to Ted and reveals that he saw Ted with Robin at the carousel, where last season they were in search of her locket.
WOW. What does this mean? Why was Barney there? Why hasn’t he brought this up before? And lastly, what is Ted going to tell him?
Catch new episodes of How I Met Your Mother on Mondays at 8/7c, only on CBS!