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‘Glee’-cap: “Child Star”

Raina Deerwater ‘16 / Emertainment Monthly Staff Writer

Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch in the Glee episode "Child Star." Photo Credit: Adam Rose/FOX.
Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch in the Glee episode “Child Star.” Photo Credit: Adam Rose/FOX.

In the sea of gay weddings and rampant offensiveness, apparently there were supposed to be new characters on this show? And we were supposed to care about them? Here’s the thing, we don’t. They are boring. One of them is named Roderick; how in any conceivable way can we be invested in someone named Roderick?

The whole point of this episode was to show that Rachel (Lea Michele), Shue (Matthew Morrison), and the audience Glee thinks it has to show the glee club that they care. Even though no one does care. At all. Cause these people are boring. We are not going to root for Spencer (Marshall Williams) the gay football player to seduce a ukulele playing, beanie wearing, hobo seeming dude. Maybe we would if Spencer was more than a cardboard cutout with good biceps and a bad singing voice.

This is summed up best when Rachel tries to pump up the glee club and they are not receptive, because and alumnus is just going to come to steal their thunder. It’s a very good point, because no one gives a crap about these poor innocent bland characters. They are just so lame. But don’t worry, they are about to get lamer.

Lea Michele, Chord Overstreet, Matthew Morrison, Dot-Marie Jones and Jane Lynch in the Glee episode "Child Star." Photo Credit: Adam Rose/FOX.
Lea Michele, Chord Overstreet, Matthew Morrison, Dot-Marie Jones and Jane Lynch in the Glee episode “Child Star.” Photo Credit: Adam Rose/FOX.

The actually plot of this episode, which hopefully you caught amidst all the snoring, is that the club has to perform for a terrible terrible child’s Bar Mitzvah. This kid, named Myron Muskovitz (J.J. Totah), is actually a bad person. He has weird sexual dance moves to a bad Destiny’s child cover, yells derogatory things toward women, and at one point poops his pants. It’s a literally and figuratively, a huge mess.

Also, the portrayal of him is vaguely anti-Semitic. Whenever Myron monologues, there is vaguely Jewish music playing in the background, like he is a villain with theme music. Also, do they even know how a Bar Mitzvah works? That it might actually be an important ceremony as opposed to a punchline. Coming from Glee, it all makes sense though. The whole idea of Rachel being Jewish has been a punchline from day one, and just when we thought we were done with all that horribleness her comes good ol’ Myron.

Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch in the Glee episode "Child Star." Photo Credit: Adam Rose/FOX.
Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch in the Glee episode “Child Star.” Photo Credit: Adam Rose/FOX.

After his thing, that is in no way a Bar Mitzvah, it turns out Myron is joining the glee club. Even though he is 13. And the worst. And this show needs less new characters. The thing we can gather from this episode is basically that no one cares about anyone who came on board after 2010 and we never will. This is called the “reunion season”, not the “here are a bunch of people who don’t have any character traits or redeeming qualities season.”

At least one of the new girls, Jane (Samantha Marie Ware), can really sing. She uptown funked up that bar mitzvah real good. And one of the incest twins is into her. The sad thing is that, it would be a more entertaining episode if there were actually incest. That’s when you know a show has really hit a low point: you pray for despicable crimes because that would make this at least a show that you didn’t fall asleep to.

Overall Episode Grade: D (Or a B for BORING)

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  1. For future reference:
    Actors of fully Jewish background: -Logan Lerman, Natalie Portman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mila Kunis, Bar Refaeli, James Wolk, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Julian Morris, Adam Brody, Esti Ginzburg, Kat Dennings, Gabriel Macht, Erin Heatherton, Odeya Rush, Anton Yelchin, Paul Rudd, Scott Mechlowicz, Lisa Kudrow, Lizzy Caplan, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Gal Gadot, Debra Messing, Robert Kazinsky, Melanie Laurent, Shiri Appleby, Justin Bartha, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Margarita Levieva, Elizabeth Berkley, Halston Sage, Seth Gabel, Skylar Astin, Mia Kirshner, Alden Ehrenreich, Eric Balfour, Jason Isaacs, Jon Bernthal, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy.

    Andrew Garfield is Jewish, too (though I don’t know if both of his parents are).

    Actors with Jewish mothers and non-Jewish fathers -Jake Gyllenhaal, Dave Franco, James Franco, Scarlett Johansson, Daniel Day-Lewis, Daniel Radcliffe, Alison Brie, Eva Green, Joaquin Phoenix, River Phoenix, Emmy Rossum, Rashida Jones, Jennifer Connelly, Sofia Black D’Elia, Nora Arnezeder, Goldie Hawn, Ginnifer Goodwin, Amanda Peet, Eric Dane, Jeremy Jordan, Joel Kinnaman, Ben Barnes, Patricia Arquette, Kyra Sedgwick, Dave Annable, Ryan Potter.

    Actors with Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers, who themselves were either raised as Jews and/or identify as Jews: -Ezra Miller, Gwyneth Paltrow, Alexa Davalos, Nat Wolff, Nicola Peltz, James Maslow, Josh Bowman, Winona Ryder, Michael Douglas, Ben Foster, Jamie Lee Curtis, Nikki Reed, Zac Efron, Jonathan Keltz, Paul Newman.

    Oh, and Ansel Elgort’s father is Jewish, though I don’t know how Ansel was raised.

    Actors with one Jewish-born parent and one parent who converted to Judaism -Dianna Agron, Sara Paxton (whose father converted, not her mother), Alicia Silverstone, Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

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